The Self – Sunday 11th June 2023
The Self – Sunday 11th June 2023
When I was a baby, I endured a lot. Although add wasn’t heard of at that time, (nor Rett Syndrome) my sister I believe, had a mild form of it. When I was a few days old I was placed in my sister’s room. That sister of mine tormented me relentlessly. She would pinch me and likely I cried and this would have aggravated my parents. She would roll me tightly up in a scratchy tartan blanket and leave me there barely able to breathe. The constant panic and pain caused me to be more cognitive than other children with RS so during that first year for example, I later surprised professionals by being able to recall being a baby. Most people don’t. But I think in any family, professionals are probably well aware what happens to a younger child when an older sibling has add. And being a younger child with RS will cause you to be a little different to your RS peers who have had peace and quiet and comfort as a baby.
So, that said I was able to retrieve function that had been already laid down in memory system when RS quieted and I was returned to my family at age 5 years.
Back then I couldn’t think. I would see out my eyes and for a long time seeing out my eyes was very much like the game Mech Warrior. Hearing was like how it sounds when your head is under water. These aspects are due to development delay.
As awful as it was, it permitted me the benefit of experiencing what most people never do.
So, I couldn’t think, but I could feel, but I didn’t have words, so I felt. However, I would close down, which I realise now was the compromised energy system in RS. For some of the children with RS this is behind one of the seizure types they experience I believe.
To the sense of self, I thought to myself who loves, what is the self that sobs at the loss of a loved one?
That self comes from your central nervous system and it tells your brain what you feel. Which implies that your brain is an incredible tool and your you is from your CNS which is this amazing creation that is receiving all from your body and brain and sending back to body and brain in a to and fro and your sense of self results like the orchestra playing. Which fluctuates depending on what’s happening in and outside of yourself. And I rather suspect that at the moleculet level there is communication with others around you as well as the communication that you yourself perceive. And sometimes we might pickup on this in a way that we don’t understand and feel drawn to such persons as a result without quite knowing quite why.
Anyway that’s my immediate thought/comment on the self.
Fiona MacLeod (C)
